David Sylvian - Forbidden Colours
Learning to cope with feelings aroused in me
My hands in the soil, buried inside of myself
My love wears forbidden colours
IAMX - Your Joy Is My Low (Live Acoustic)
You shift the play, push the curve to sit between your thighs
It’s a sign, it’s time to exercise the lines
You want the double cut through to wet, invade and slide
You slide and I’m awake and I’m the slave tonight
David Bowie - Something in the Air
as long as the beast in me maintains
its taciturn power to close my lids
in tears, and my loins move yet
in the ennobling pursuit of all the worlds
you have left me alone in, and would be
the dolorous distraction from,
while you summon your army of anguishes
which is a million hooting blood vessels
on the eyes and in the ears
at that instant before death ❞
Frank O’Hara - Meditations in an Emergency
The Cramps - People Ain’t No Good
Yeah people are just a waste
They’re all over the place
Ya see ‘em everywhere ya go
And I don’t like their face
5th grade was the first time I had much actual social interaction with people, I was always rather shy and would much prefer just reading books alone during recess and school and kept to myself. During 5th grade however is when I began getting targeted for whatever reason. There was a group of girls in my class that would approach me on my lunch breaks when I was either reading books or organizing my comic book cards I collected.
The first time they had approached me they circled around me at recess while I was sitting alone under a tree, they had started telling me that one of them really liked me and wanted to know if I liked her and would go out with her. Being shy I didn’t know quite what to say, I had kind of crushed on the girl and I also kind of knew they were harassing and teasing me and that if I said no they would get upset that I wasn’t playing along and tease me more so I mumbled “Yeah, ok”. They all started laughing so very loudly and the girl said “Yeah right, you are fat and pathetic and no one will ever like you or go out with you” and they all laughed more and kicked my books and walked off.
A few weeks later I was on my lunch break and one of the girls came up to me while I was looking at my favorite card that I had cherished so much, it was a Marvel Nightcrawler card. I was so intoxicated by the art on it and had barely even noticed the girl approaching. She came up to me and said, “Oh that is cool, I like comics. Can I see it”? I was caught off guard and I was actually excited because I thought she was being genuine and might like me or at least share a common interest. So I handed her the card. She immediately ripped it in half and threw it at me and just started laughing and walked away.
Shortly after that it was during class and I had needed to use the stapler at the back of the room. I had gotten up and gone to the back of the room and one of the girls came up behind me while I was using the stapler and put her arm under my shirt to between my shoulder blades, dug her sharp fingernails into my back and clawed as hard as she possibly could down my back. I will never forget that pain and I turned around and had tears in my eyes and probably looked like I was going to loudly cry. She looked at me and told me if I tell anyone she did that she will “put me in the fucking hospital”.
That is just a glimpse at a few of my first interactions with girls. I have been so incredibly annoyed lately at the internet and most of the justice crusading and categorizing people I see going on. I won’t defend men and how fucking wrongly and horribly they treat women. I won’t defend how backwards the way they view being feminine as some kind of weakness or insult is. But I get SO annoyed when people act as if men are the only shitty and poison people in the world and try to lump all people into a category based on sexuality or race.